## An interim collection: the essence of miscellaneous personal messages ## to and from friends and collaborators during the brief time back home [as ## it turned out], with interspersed comments like this one to give some ## indication of context and event flow. Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2022 06:30:53 -0500 Subject: Re: back home! It's pretty clear that I will be on the road again soon. Mom's getting by with continuing independent life, but it is quite the struggle. If she takes any more falls that require calling for assistance, then the facility is *really* going to want her to move to assisted-living for better care, and while we've already made strides in getting rid of her excess possessions, she would obviously need a huge amount of help with an actual move. This is what a continuing-care setup is supposed to be for, but calculating where anyone is along that path is always a moving target. It sucks having your body simply fail in random and unfixable ways, but that's kind of where she's at now. The newer leg-brace that the orthos put together is worse than the first one, and neither are that much help for mobility. Watching her creep around the house in the wheelchair is kind of painful, but it's the current survival strategy that works. At least her plumbing is stable these days, that was the problem area earlier this year. On extended USPS mail-holds, over 30 days ... the post-office folks told me this, when I went to pick up the held mail: I *can* preauthorize someone by name to pick up for me, but not online -- only by going there in person and filling out the yellow card [so they know the applicant is really me rather than some clown who stole my online particulars]. Whenever *I* go in to pick up, they never even ask for my ID, but I guess they know me by now. So I could have a trusted friend just hang onto batches of held-mail pickup, no need to go by the house or whatever. Timeframe on any of this is unclear, of course. I'm glad I made it back home for now, there were several things useful to pick up including *two* new debit cards which I actually need for travel, etc. I can do almost all my recurring financials online by now, though, even stuff I was only recently still doing paper checks for. Custom browser profile setups are a huge win. _H* ########################################## ## And around this point, I started getting the calls that Mom was in dire ## straits, following something that happened on Labor Day. The security ## staff found her essentially unresponsive but still alive in her home after ## she failed to check in, the EMSes whisked her off to the ER, and nobody ## seemed able to figure out what was wrong with her. Best-guess conclusion ## was "some kind of a seizure". An MRI ruled out a stroke. For the next ## three days, nobody could get meaningful responses to simple questions or ## commands, but nonetheless she remained [barely] alive in the hospital. ## With her DNR in place no "heroic" steps were allowed but none seemed ## necessary, just basic fluids and handling of autonomous functions. ## Still, everyone up and down the medical line thought she was done, and ## wouldn't last another week. There was nothing I could have helped with ## while they were figuring it out, so I stayed home but ready to roll at ## a moment's notice. They finally decided that transfer to hospice was ## appropriate. Authorizing Mom's transfer there led to the DocuSign rant ## in another section, and that was my trigger to leave. Maybe I'd even ## get there before the end, I had no idea. ## So now we sort of change context here, and a flurry of email as I tried ## to learn more and then notify various colleagues that I was headed out ## of town again. ########################################## Date: Mon, 05 Sep 2022 14:28:38 -0400 Subject: Your Mom From: [Mom's neighbor] Hi, I saw the ambulance leave your mother's house after 10:00 this morning. Of course, the facility does not share medical information with residents. Naturally, I am worried. Are you able to tell me how she is? Is there anything I can do? Take care, ## Date: Mon, 05 Sep 2022 15:13:10 -0400 To: [neighbor] I don't have a lot of info either. Security found her this morning more or less unresponsive [but alive], whisked her off to the ER. The docs at SMH think it might be some kind of infection. I'll know more, I imagine, after their battery of tests. It wasn't any physical trauma like a fall, from what they can tell, something internal. Looks like I'll be on my way south again either way, question is when.. _H* ## Date: Mon, 5 Sep 2022 22:19:43 -0500 To: [visiting therapy/rehab practitioner] Subject: Mom's therapy Hi -- her son here, you met me a couple of weeks ago. My mom has been whisked off to the hospital, condition/diagnosis still unknown, but she's not going to be home tomorrow so I just wanted to give you a heads-up that you won't need to go over there. I'll try to keep you in the loop on how things play out, as I learn more. Sorry, this all happened rather suddenly.. _H* ## Date: Tue, 6 Sep 2022 08:20:35 -0500 Subject: Re: Your Mom To: [neighbor] Well -- she's still at SMH, and likely to be there for a while from what I gather. I'm not heading down immediately, we have to take this day by day. But in the meantime ... if you could grab her mail and maybe papers and just hold it all someplace, that would be great -- doesn't have to be in her house, you can just pile it up in a bag or something and we'll figure it out later. But if things sit in the box at the street it'll get all soggy... I wish I knew more, but then again so do the medics. Closest theory they have so far is a "seizure", which she doesn't have any history of, but who knows what a 90-plus year old body might suddenly do.. Thanks, I really appreciate all you're doing. How was your trip, by the way?? Any good stories? _H* ## Date: Wed, 7 Sep 2022 12:33:10 -0500 To: [neighbor] I'm not heading down until I actually have something to do, but it's clear that independent living is not in the cards anymore. I have yet to have a conversation with Mom, if that's even possible anymore. So until someone tells me to get my ass down there, it's staying up north while I keep in touch with things electronically as best I can... _H* ## Date: Thu, 8 Sep 2022 03:08:41 -0500 Subject: Re: Changed my mind... To: [neighbor] For now, yes, I appreciate that less is better. You were directly affected because Security has sealed the house for now, and if you pick up mail you'll just have to hold onto it. If you are willing to do that and hand me the accumulation once I arrive, that would be super -- geez, I don't know what the facility normally does in these situations, when someone is suddenly unable to fetch their own and manage their detached house in general. It must happen fairly frequently?? At this point I'm stuck in a waiting game again, but now with a different dynamic. I'm in touch with the admin staff, and apparently the rules say I only have about two weeks to live in the house and get it squared away, after which I'd have to use one of their "guest rooms" or find a local hotel. I'm wondering if the management is going to start turning nasty on me and make the process more difficult, whether Mom comes back there [in some form] or not. My impression at this point is that what the hospital has is simply a bag-of- mostly-water that only has its autonomous functions left. Now the question is for how long, and what constitutes "life support" in violation of the DNR or not. She apparently didn't strictly need "R" per se, but if she can't eat on her own, they do understand that stuff like feeding tubes is out of the question. Even the glucose drip they've got her on now raises an eyebrow... Is this getting too graphic/cold? I hate feeling helpless on all this... staying ready to roll out on very short notice, as usual, but *not* jumping the gun until someone says "go" for real. In the meantime, thanks for the concern and keeping in touch, you've really gone above and beyond.. _H* ## Sent: Friday, September 9, 2022 10:35 AM To: [retirement-community social services coordinator] Subject: Okay, here we go... Word from the medics is that Mom's in hospice, under palliative care, and it's basically just a matter of time. So I'm going to start that way tomorrow. What do I do for campus and house admittance? Have security call you, or the main office, or what? I'm going to have a ton of other questions, as you can imagine, but that can wait till I'm there. _H* ## Date: Mon, 12 Sep 2022 11:39:37 +0000 From: [social services coordinator] Subject: RE: '(EXTERNAL)'Okay, here we go... I have spoken with Security, they are aware of your travels to here. Once you arrive, you will be granted access to the home, security will need to remove the boot lock to allow you in. Feel free to contact me with any questions, I will do my best to answer. Per your last email, all belongings were left inside the home. Safe travels. ## Date: Fri, 09 Sep 2022 16:36:27 -0500 Subject: Re: Your mom To: [the Boston-area person singled out for fetching mail if needed] Departure now scheduled for tomorrow morning. There's no box number; they're holding mail bound for my house. You'd walk in and say "I'm here to pick up the mail for [address]" and hopefully they have you identify yourself. They never actually check me, but they probably know me [and my feet]. It's a friendly relationship; they keep telling me to not worry too much about going over the 30 days if I need to. If house access is needed, I would instruct. No key needed, but possibly a little skulduggery. Ben is an official keyholder, as is the lady in the house next door to the east. But it's not really needed, as I have a Simplex 5-button on the side door. The house is pretty self-sufficient, everything will be shut down inside and the only real concern is leaves piling up in the yard. Hopefully I'll simply be home in time to deal. Feel free to drive across town and tool through the neighborhood, if you're out this way and bored anyways. My Docusign rant went to the mailing list where we talk about end-of-life issues. It was the brainchild of myself and a couple of other people, was somewhat busy at the beginning, and is mostly crickets now. But my piece on that last night, which in turn includes a piece to a different list of long-time security enthusiasts, is provided for your amusement. Thanks, hopefully see everybody again soon. _H* ## Date: Fri, 09 Sep 2022 18:33:26 -0500 Subject: Sept gigs Wellp ... the hammer has sort of dropped on the FL situation -- Mom's been transferred to hospice, so I'm on my way down starting tomorrow morning. This is probably the "big legal adventure" and last trip, so I don't know how long all that's going to take. Thus, anyway, I won't be around to help with at least the first few gigs. Hopefully you can rustle up some other folks who are interested in doing that stuff... _H* ## Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2022 16:45:58 +0000 (UTC) From: [a personal friend I hadn't spoken with in a while] Subject: Sorry Hey Hobbit, I'm so sorry about your mom. Even though I didn't get to meet her, I always enjoyed the energy you emit when you talked about her. Definitely keep that. Also your end-of-life forum is greatly appreciated even though I'm so quiet there. I'll be facing that stuff eventually and seem to be the only one in charge of anything. I basically need a before and after checklist. Hugs, ... ## Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2022 14:33:13 -0500 To: [Mom's "concierge" physician] Subject: oh, one more question Hi, forgot to ask you this on the phone: do the hospice folks have the Medcure info, the body-donation brokers, in case that becomes necessary while I'm less accessible on the road? medcure.com, they index simply by name and DOB, and Mom's signed up with them. Paperwork for that was in the "tube of life" at the home, but the EMSes cherry-picked from that and didn't bring it in. Tnx, see ya in a couple of days. _H* ## Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2022 15:11:35 -0500 To: [fellow local weekly hike leaders and park advocates] Subject: well, how plans change My mom's been transferred to hospice, and there's a lot to do down south regardless of her state, so I'm off again tomorrow morning. I'll miss the planting and moonlight hike, unfortunately ... hopefully back in time to deal with the huge piles of leaves in my yard and catch some Northern foliage before it's all down. _H*