##  More or less concurrent with the onset of the long weekend, some
##  catch-up exchanges and updates with north-local friends.  This
##  doesn't include correspondence on the more official tier, with
##  doctors and retirement-facility personnel -- that is in the next
##  section, 221010.


Date: Thu, 06 Oct 2022 06:01:41 -0500
To:  [north-local friend authorized to pick up my snailmail]
Subject: near-term plans

With various things still up in the air as they are here, I'm not gonna make
it home by the 10th which is the theoretical end-date of my mail hold.  I'm
going to call that post office today or tomorrow and ask about my best
options, i.e. should I impose on you to go up and pick up the accumulated
mail to hold on to [and if so, when], or if they can just let it ride until
maybe more toward the end of the month.  The hurricane set everything we
were trying to accomplish back at least a week, Mom's still in the rehab
center and we haven't figured out where she's going to go next, and as always
it's the endless game of hurry up and wait for other people/entities to
get back to us, stuff to arrive in the mail, etc.

I've made misc updates to the diary, and you might be interested in the last
section I added about trusts and PoA and all.  Am I right that you weren't
on that discussion list, or did you eventually get on that "end of life"
mailing list?  If not and you want to join up,  [URL]  to get started.  Its
earliest archives may be the most useful, when things were fairly lively for
a while, but it's been pretty quiet / low-volume in general.

_H*

##


Date: Thu, 06 Oct 2022 07:10:41 -0500
To: [another long-time but infrequent correspondent]
Subject: Re: Survived the monster

Hiya, sorry for the laggy stuff here.  The storm was reasonably scary up
in Sarasota, and I kinda wonder what would have happened if it didn't take
that rightward wiggle at landfall.  Of course the news shows us all the
absolutely worst parts, so the rest of the country thinks the entirety of
FL got flattened.  I did manage to have a bit of fun during it, making the
slosh over to the main building and back to tell Mom why the phones were out.

The hurricane of course set everything back at least a week, as various
people I need to deal with have their own cleanup/recovery to do, and
meanwhile Mom continues to rot away in the nursing-care center attended by
the world's most expensive babysitting service.  Well, that's not entirely
true, she's actually getting a lot of her strength/coordination back day by
day, although the bum neuropathied leg will never recover.  I've been over
there at least once a day and we've done quite a bit of walking-around --
she with her wheelie-walker, and me alongside with a hand on the "gait belt",
a strap around her middle someone holds to make sure she doesn't fall.  I've
mostly gotten over the freak-out factor of wheeling a parent around like a
piece of meat, and am learning a lot more elder-care jargon...

So for the most part I'm doing fine but a little frustrated with the slowness
of all these processes I have to do.  I've taken over enough of the financials
that I can pay most recurring stuff remotely; yesterday her rent/incidentals
for the retirement facility went on ACH direct-withdraw.  I'm still waiting
for various stuff to arrive in the mail.  I've dug out what I think are most
of Mom's prior medical/dental expenses to log for tax purposes, because she
never kept track of that.  Tax-time will still be, uh, interesting I imagine.
At least she doesn't have state income tax like we do.

We still need to figure out the longer term plan for her next living situation,
as the independent house is pretty much no longer in the cards.  I need to know
more before I can figure out whether to bulk-forward all the house mail to
Boston or not at this point, or if I even *can* by waving my PoA in the right
faces at the Sarasota post-office.

This msg will probably become part of another diary component, as my thoughts
continue to form around how to proceed and who needs what from me.  Aiiieeee..

_H*


##  Now we have a short exchange between me and a close friend who is not
##  only also wrestling with parental-accomodation issues, but also looking
##  to buy their own house, and finding it all rather stressful...


Date: Sat, 8 Oct 2022 21:54:23 -0400
From: [a close friend who's also dealing with parental ailments]
Subject: accomodation search

 ...
But, GAH, I'm not good at all this adulting. Woke up 0545 to Dad-stress,
surprised I didn't have stress symptoms while cruising around w my Buyers
Agent. ...  How many places did you look at/bid on when you were looking?
How did you judge places?

Might look at places in-person again on Mon.  Booster(s) Mon eve.

And this is why I wake up at 0400 with thoughts spinning...

I know your situation is far more immediate, but a) I'm trying to adult
here, but it's scary, & b) I don't have a fucking clue how to get my father
into a better living space, given his funding situations. And b) is what's
keeping me awake at night.

Thanks for any support you can give, *hugz & flailz*

##


Date: Sun, 09 Oct 2022 02:10:09 -0500
To: [said close friend from previous]
Subject: Re: accomodation search

Y'know ... I haven't even thought about all this activity on both our parts
as "adulting", but I guess it is.  And it keeps bringing mystery after
conundrum after dilemma.  I've been making the assumption that Mom will
eventually get out of the nursing-care facility and into the assisted-living
part of this place, but ... what if that didn't work out, and further living
at the house here was denied?  Then we'd be back to square one, so I have to
account for such a possibility and know of options.  Yet more research, argh.

Fortunately there's funding for whatever happens, even if I have to juggle it.

On your problem, though, I've been finding bits like this...
  https://www.moneygeek.com/seniors/resources/paying-for-long-term-care-guide/
Does Dad have medicare/medicaid or other insurance?  While low-income/low-asset
options probably don't feature too many amenities, it could at least land him
somewhere that isn't the house.   I guess one could salvage what could be
saved, get a demo/removal crew in for the rest and feel forever guilty about
adding to landfills, and try to sell the place as "gut rehab needed" or raze
it all and sell the land?  Big-ass project, but if he was out of the place it
could possibly happen at some relative leisure in parallel.

On houses.. I probably officially looked around at 3 or 4 places, but the
realtor-lady was kind enough to hand me her MLS book from the previous month
[no online stuff back then, they got big printed listings] and I tooled
around finding addresses on my own, checking out neighborhoods, etc and was
able to take some suggestions back to the realtor saying "why don't we go
look at this and that place".  I liked the almost-cul-de-saccy nature of where
I am now, of course not predicting that the nice woods across the street would
get violated to line some developer's pocket 30 years later... I haven't
attacked the problem in the modern online context, but it sounds like you're
checking the right resources.  Naturally, stuff was a lot cheaper back then.

[Sideline remembering that omg that was 4 cars ago, the Isuzu Trooper of
exhaust-valve-destroying song and story.]

My sleep sched has been pretty random here too, I'm often enough on the
pooter at like 2-3am for a while and then go back to sleep.  Too much hurry
up and wait on various stuff I need to stick around for, like things arriving
in the mail and what Mom's eventual path is supposed to be and then the
stupid hurricane set everything back even farther.  [speaking of crazy ways
to demo a house...]  At least it's an easy hoof across campus to see her.
Yesterday I actually wheeled her all the way back to the house for a look
around and discussion on what she'd bring with her to new quarters, but
without too much conclusiveness.  She's kind of obsessing about trifles and
not really dealing with the big picture, which is somewhat worrying.

And I just scheduled up my booster/flu for ... surprise, Sun. morning at
the local walgreens here, didn't think I could get it that soon.  Well, back
to sleep in the interim, I'll poke at zillow etc later..

_H*