## Mired in the doldrums of the long weekend, a couple of semi ranty reports ## of non-progress to people who might be able to help get things moving. ## The slowness of all this is wearisome. Fortunately, my post-office folks ## back home are being super-nice about the fact that I'm still stuck here, ## and the hurricane pushed everything back a week-plus, so I have a bit more ## grace time before I *have* to go home at least for a little while. Date: Fri, 7 Oct 2022 15:52:07 -0500 To: [social-services coordinator person at the retirement facility] Subject: Mom's status.. Just wondering how discussion of her future living situation is going. She's growing very weary of being stuck in nursing and the mandated 24x7 coverage, which has gone on much longer than we expected. She *finally* had another session with the psychologist today, who seemed like he was deliberately avoiding any interaction with me for some reason. Came in, shooed everyone out of the room, talked to her, and immediately left. I have spoken with him on the phone in the past, and told him how the nursing administrative staff had told me that Mom's condition and eligibility for moving on was being entirely gated by his report, but he denied this and said that it was really up to nursing-center staff. So to me this feels like a bit of finger-pointing, where nobody really wants to take responsibility one way or the other. And of course the hurricane pushed everything back by several days, especially since the psychologist had evacuated over that time. In general, though, we're trying to be patient in this "waiting game", and Mom's eager for any progress report on it. I don't know what to tell her. I don't want to be a pest, but I'm going to start having obligations up north soon, and can't be here for support indefinitely. If the eventual path is for her to move to assisted-living, which I think would be the appropriate setting, I'm sure the facility crew could handle that without me even being here, after which I could come back and finalize the house. We're happy to pay the double rent for an overlap period; the billing-office person said that's often done just to make things easier. But we have to get *some* process moving out of what to us feels like relative stasis at the moment. I've moved her rent/etc billing to direct ACH-withdraw, and put a bunch of her other financials online -- it's a slow process, but getting done. That will make it easier for me to manage things from up north. I'm wondering if I should just put in a wholesale change of address for her at the house, under an assumption that she would have a different address going forward, but I can't until we have some vision of the future. Thanks for understanding _H* ## Date: Sun, 9 Oct 2022 06:22:19 -0500 To: [Mom's "concierge" physician] Subject: update on Mom: not entirely happy A bottle of something called "SMZ/TMP" showed up here in the mail, looks to be some kind of antibiotic. Is this more of the "bactrim" that they gave Mom at the nursing center that finally dealt with the UTI? I can't bring it over to nursing because they only accept meds that *they* order through their own system. I know we discussed this before, is it solely this source where her mail-order scripts are now coming from per her present health insurance under the pension program? That might be another thing I need to be able to manage online... The psychologist *finally* showed up again on Friday for her second session. He bailed out of town for the hurricane, so that whole schedule got pushed back a week, which is especially frustrating because the head nursing staff people at nursing told me that *he* had recommended another week of 24x7 observation. I managed to catch him on the phone just before he left and he denied that, saying it was some kind of "collective decision" and ultimately up to the nursing people. So there seems to be a bit of finger-pointing going on, with nobody actually taking responsibility for whether or not Mom still needs the world's most expensive babysitting service. The home-care folks are nice enough, attentive and all, but Mom is 100% weary of their presence. Friday, Mom was basically *pleading* with him to help get her out of nursing and moved on to what will presumably be her next living situation, logically the assisted-living area. The social-services gal is supposedly working on that but no solid information has been forthcoming yet. The shrink has given me no hint of his findings to date, and his behavior when he showed up on Friday gave the appearance of actively avoiding any interaction with me. His office doesn't answer email, either. And I'm still stuck in FL along with all this, waiting for various things to show up in the mail and some clear idea of Mom's path forward. I'm about to blow through my 30-day mail-hold, but fortunately my post office back home is informally being super-tolerant and will hold for another couple of weeks. But this endless waiting game is getting profoundly annoying for both of us. I don't even know if this place is simply planning to kick her to the curb after extracting a lot more extra money from her. All told, last month has set her back a jaw dropping THIRTY THOUSAND dollars. Fortunately, I'm now in sufficient control of the finances that I can manage this and where it comes out of, so all of that has become as automated as possible. By the way, is there a way we can set up so we get your bills online? I'm not even sure what to do about routing Mom's physical mail yet. I wheeled Mom over to the house for a brief lookaround yesterday, trying to determine what things she'd want to bring to a new living situation or not, and what I should take home on my next run north [which HAS to be soon], etc. I'm afraid that she is sort of obsessing over relative trifles, and not really seeing the big picture. There was definitely some brain damage in the episode, but the pathways I see her growing back are really only the minor things that interest her, and not the larger things like finances or life logistics. She also thinks that the ortho clinic completely screwed up on the last attempt at a leg brace, and gave her an ordinary AFO when she really needs a full KAFO of some sort -- like the fancy stuff they have pictures of on their walls and running video up there, which she thinks would be the only thing that would allow her to walk right. What do you think? She's been trying a lot of walking as is, which the rehab people are encouraging and making part of her "workouts", but her right knee starts hurting after not too much of that. I don't even know how a KAFO would take weight off the joint, it could only stabilize the motion. Sorry about the somewhat ranty flavor of status report here, but on the bright side everybody around nursing got the bivalent Covid booster last week and I'm about to go hit Walgreen's for mine today. They're still isolating a couple of positives at the nursing area, though, and are trying to be careful about masking and movements. Not going to full lockdown so far. But yeah, that day everyone got the CDC word and threw off their masks... somehow I knew that was going to bite us. And then we had that temporary influx from the other nursing home over Ian, and who knows what rode in with any of them. _H* Date: Sun, 9 Oct 2022 12:07:27 +0000 From: [Mom's concierge physician] Subject: Re: update on Mom: not entirely happy The prescription is Bactrim. I am not certain how that ended up at CenterWell, my apologies. I would keep it, she might [need] it in the future. It's a commonly employed antibiotic. Regarding the psychologist, to my knowledge based upon conversations with him and documentation from the nursing center, it was a mutual decision between them to extend her continuous observation. I understand your frustration and the expense is mind boggling but we all need to remember that the facility is a highly respected, highly rated retirement home that is licensed and monitored by the state. I don't have any comment of the brace, she has never been satisfied with any brace they made for her. As you describe it though, I agree with you. No brace is going to take the weight off the knee and while she focuses on the knee as the problem, it's actually her hip and quadriceps muscles that are the problem. As for her discharge, I hope she is more willing to consider the ALF. It sounds like we all agree that living independently is not a good idea any longer. Hang in there a bit longer, I'm certain this is hard but hopefully we are on the tail end of this. Best, ## Date: Sun, 9 Oct 2022 07:58:34 -0500 To: [Mom's physician] I'm assuming that she's done with the house; I think she could be comfortable in assisted-living with ready help when she needs it. I wouldn't have the luxury of being able to live there on visits or charge the car in her garage... but her in a stable situation is well worth minor sacrifices! We'll keep the Bactrim around, as she's somewhat prone to UTIs in general, so if she can handle the next one on her own, that's great. I should probably collect all the other numerous unknown pills around the house and dispose of them, though... Thanks! _H* ## Date: Sun, 9 Oct 2022 14:14:24 +0000 From: [Mom's physician] Great minds think alike! I think you asked about autopay for my fees, we are just a once annual check payment. If you want the invoice to come to you, we can change her billing address. That's easy and we have this circumstance all of the time. Try to enjoy the beautiful day with Mom. Get her outside! ## Date: Sun, 9 Oct 2022 14:35:40 -0500 To: [Mom's physician] Okay, once I figure out what I'm doing with physical mail I'll update you on billing addresses. Probably mine in Boston if that works. So I went over around lunchtime, and after she finished that I told her we had to go outside, on "doctor's orders"! She did a pretty long walk out and back, *sans brace* even, with a bit of knee pain but manageable. I go with her, one hand on gait-belt just in case, but she's staying upright with the wheelie-walker. She wants to keep working at this, and so do the rehab folks -- without breaking her, of course. _H* ## The Monday finally arrived but was still Columbus Day [aka Indigenous ## Peoples' Abuse Reminder Day], so not everyone was back at work and things ## still had to wait longer. In addition, while the local Walgreens was ## open for my Covid booster appointment, they had *run out* of Pfizer so ## I'd have to reschedule. More stupid delays... Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2022 12:19:48 +0000 From: [social-services coordinator] Subject: RE: '(EXTERNAL)' Mom's status.. The waitlist for assisted living is based off medical needs, it is hard to say where your Mom is on the waitlist as we assess members when an apartment becomes available (unknown timeline). It is best to ask Jan or Julie all questions. They would be happy to discuss the appropriate steps going forward and make recommendations based on your Moms current needs. With minimal information on your Moms current status, I am not comfortable commenting on your Moms long term recommendations. Thank you, ## Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2022 07:04:38 -0500 To: [nursing-center admin heads] Subject: My mom's status Hi, [Hobbit] here. when would be a good time to meet with either or both of you to discuss my Mom's, present and future status? She is really hoping to move on to a more appropriate living situation, and the present set of circumstances isn't really sustainable. Social-services said I should consult with you about this... Thanks _H* ## Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2022 13:32:18 +0000 From: Julie Subject: RE: '(EXTERNAL)' my mom's status Jan will be back tomorrow. I will get with her in the morning and we can come up with a day this week to meet to discuss what you have in mind. ## So, hoping for a big flurry of activity on Tuesday, including a lot ## of needed stuff arriving in the mail. Maybe after that I can put in a ## temporary change-of-address and then chase it home in a few more days?